Posts Tagged 'cusat'

journey through life

Posted by on 16 Dec 2005 | Category: Uncategorized

Life. We live through this phenomenon but seldom do we understand it.

Most of my precious moments, most of my energy have been spent to quench that inner thirst, but the fire still glows vigorously, more than ever. From my early days itself I had an aspiration, to search for the truth. I also had a dream of traveling along the foothills of the Himalayas, to the abode of Indian philosophy. I never thought it would happen; but it happened. The following is a sort of travelogue; some from the sporadic notes I made, some from my memory, but you can ‘t express it in the real form, you have to experience it yourself. The information given may contain errors, am not intending to give any wonderful geographical info or any philosophic adventures or any literature. I just wrote it down so that it may be inspiring and useful for people of similar dreams; it may good knowing how another person took such a road. This story is not a closed one, and don ‘t expect anything particular.

[If you are looking for geographical info on India, better read Lonely Planet: India; if you are keen on Indian philosophy and the mysticism around it, the best book I would recommend is ‘Search in secret India ‘ by Paul Brunton; you are just interested in some adventures in life or philosophy, read Richard Bach; for simple but revolutionary and stimulating thoughts, read Osho; for tibetan philosphic adventures mixed with logic and some science, acceptable to even those i_dont_understand_so_i_dont_believe people, read T. Lobsang Rampa. If you really wanna know life, read yourself].

am not adorning the costumes of a philosopher or a sannyasin (or a writer 😉 ). me give myself to the passions of this world, give myself to my hormones; me don ‘t differentiate what good or bad is (everything is co-existent. your definitions are relative (you say ‘apekshikam ‘ for that in Malayalam)); I live to my heart ‘s truth. but I believe that the life you live ought to have some meaning, something other than the routine style of eating, studying, sleeping, having a job, a family, children, dying… something off the usual cycle of events.

My passion for a journey got engraved in my heart and by the time I was doing my masters, I wanted to work it out somehow, I didn ‘t care whether the outcome would be fruitful or not. So our summer holidays were arriving, after our second semester exams and I thought this was the best chance. I went to the cusat library every day to collect some info on the roads I ‘ve to take, went through the maps on those dusty books, searched on google, wrote down some plans…

One day I bluntly told daddy that am going north, that I ‘ve booked the train ticket up to Delhi for 09.06.2001. He was like his mouth going O. He never gave me the consent.

I didn ‘t plan a lavish trip, as it would annihilate the fundamental cause of my journey. I had some sort of money saved from my pocket money; it was a meager amount, less than 3000 Indian rupees which is a small amount for a journey. Priya send me a money order of around 1600/- or something. 2 days before, daddy called from home and gave me 1000/- more. So after taking the to and fro tickets to Delhi (train to delhi and baaki travel by other means) and buying some essentials for the journey, I was left with something like 5000/-

I took the return ticket also so that I don ‘t have to find money for that later, whatever expenses I encounter; also I could plan my days wisely by setting a particular date for departure.

My friends were too much worried, they don ‘t know what to say, whether to encourage me or discourage me. Priya always tried to show a good face (in spite of all the worries she carried, she knew I have to go), she tried to be happy and helping before me in all the possible ways. And there were my seniors, bijoy, manoj, rajesh, sabu and all standing with me.

And you know what, few days before when I left from home to hostel; I wrote a letter saying I loved them (people at home) a lot and bla blah and abt mickey and put it in my cupboard so that they could read if I don ‘t come back.

So on 09.06.2001 at around 6 pm I was at the central railway station, ernakulam. Prem and rajesh was with me, they stood there till my train left. The train whistled at 6.25 pm and I was out to where_the_hell_am_going,_I_donno. As I sat by my window, I felt emotionless then; I think that was better than sitting worried. I don ‘t know where I was going; I don ‘t know what will happen to me. I had a vague idea of where I had to go. I just wanted to go. I knew my legs would lead me where I ought to go.

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those days with mickey and CMS college

Posted by on 15 Dec 2005 | Category: Uncategorized

Years later, today I tried to retrace the path I once used to take so often. My passion of birds and nature ¦I used to go with mickey to the nearby ‘parambu’,,,,those days.. we spent a lot of time there watching just nothing.
Today again I sat at the same spot from where I used to watch and study the ‘golden backed woodpecker’ at its nest and the ‘small green barbet’ bringing feed to its chicks.. I used to sit there endlessly, without changing my pose, the mosquitoes used to suck out my blood.. those two palm trees which gave life to those birds and me are not there now and it was already dark that the birds had disappeared to their nests. But I still love the place. It was there I found those hundreds of migratory ‘munias’. It was there I always went for some company of my mother nature. It was there I first found the ‘Indian pitta’. When did I stop going there? I want to revive all those days.. obviously everything stopped when I joined cusat and then I didn’t have any time to go anywhere. You know one thing, my dreams used to fill up with birds than with girls when I was in cms. u’ve seen the campus there. Therez lot of forest around, which was my ideal place and I used to get lost in it, forgetting everything else. Once I got the long hide of a snake, which I took to the hostel and put in the cupboard. One of the guys came, opened it and was shaken to his toenails that he never stopped calling me names for that!

Sept 28, 2002

mickey died, june 2004. i cudnt be with him in his last days and cud only cry from here.now am growing  a feeling that hez always with me, playing around me

class room notes

Posted by on 15 Dec 2005 | Category: Uncategorized

classroom notes, 05.12.2000 2.25 p.m

sitting in the class
when physical oceanography is going on…

he talks about deep sea
when i’m falling into deep sleep

he talks about estuaries
when i’m away from all those worries

he draws some T-S curves
when i dream about some other curves

into the ocean of love
am i diving

rather sitting with blank eyes
and listening to meaningless words

i won’t say

Posted by on 15 Dec 2005 | Category: Uncategorized

i won’t say
trillions of years i’ve waited for you
i won’t say
my love is deep and vast
like the ocean
i won’t say
i’m ready to sacrifice anything
just for you
i won’t say
my eyes will see you only
my ears will hear you only
my voice will reach you only
i won’t say
you’ll have flowers for your bed
you’ll have ‘vrything with me
i won’t say
my heart will beat for you only
i won’t say
but that’s what i want to say
what my heart wants to say
but i won’t say
you shall just hear

classroom notes, 15.11.2000

did i say anything?

when the sun walks away

Posted by on 15 Dec 2005 | Category: Uncategorized

When the sun walks away
When the birds fall silent
When the lights fade away
between the walls
When I am all alone
In this huge hostel
I think of you
I try to feel you

sanathana hostel, cusat, 21.02.2000 night

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