Adoption: The Answers (iii)

It was time for me to be homebound. Leaving Bangalore was with mixed emotions and there was one thing I wanted to do- visit the orphanage once again, see the kids there and interact with them, and feel nice about what they are doing. I went back to Ashraya one friday afternoon. Reaching there an hour early, I was lucky to meet one of the founders of the place. We struck a good conversation and it was pretty informative for anyone who would be looking at adoption.

Mrs. Chacko was an elderly lady and I sat with her, talking. Here’ s the share….

  • Does the religion of a child or adopting parent form any basis or criteria of adoption?

No, a child has no religion when brought as an orphan. The child’s name might sound anything, but she/he can be adopted by parents of any religion and bring the child up according to their beliefs.

An interesting case she told me was that an abandoned  child named Parveen (muslim name)  was found by police who took her to a safe place where she was named Lakshmi (a hindu name). When she reached the orphanage for adoption, she was Parveen Lakshmi! Who knows if she would be sought to be adopted by Christian parents?

  • What is the Christian Wards and Guardian Act? How does it affect?

According to Mrs. Chacko, this act is not a great deal. It just states that a child adopted by hindu parents automatically becomes a natural inheritor of the parents’ property, thus making the need of writing a will in the name of the child uneccessary. In case of the parents being a non-hindu, the child is not a natural inheritor of the property as they are, by papers, mere guardians to the child. This makes the writing of a will of minimum Rs. 25000/- in the name of the adopted one important. In today’s world, this amount is just meagre. Before adoption, the adopting parents should collect the court order for adoption which will serve as the birth certificate of the child henceforth. This is enough to show that the adopted child is as normal as any other child of the parents’. However, this is taken up as a case in the court of law just to bring uniformity among the mass when it comes to adoption.

Just for information and with no offence to any religion, while christians are still fine with the present rule, the muslim community is pushing to make this rule of uniformity work. As illogical as it may seem, they have their own reason, it being that, they don’t want the muslim orphans to be adopted by parents of different religion and raised into other religious beliefs. So, the logic that I could find here, if any little, is that bringing this law of uniformity could help the muslim community to adopt more children (without the writing of a will initially) and that too of muslim birth, thus keeing the muslim population from being moved to other religions. This case is still running as the muslim minorities could not be dissapointed. 

Another piece of information from another source is that, as a guardian, the non-hindu ‘parents’  lose all legal rights over the child once she/he turns 18 years. This means that, technically, the non-hindu parents act more like a money provider for the child’s growth till she/ he is 18!!? Could that be the reason why this Act is beign challenged in the courts?

She also told me that a hindu parents can adopt only a girl child if they already have a boy and vice versa. It is different with non- hindus, who can adopt any number of girl child or boy child as they want to.

Our converstations continued into more personal lives of each other.Then, somewhere between the talks I dropped a question of adoption by foreign parents. She said that it is all fine, but the orphanage does not have direct contact with the couple, but through an agency located in that country. They  do the neccessary home visits and direct the couples to the orphanages with children on adoption.

  • Is there a rule difference for adoption by an Indan and an NRI?

No. The rules hold same. NRIs are more particular about the children they are adopting. Just that the home visits are conducted by the agencies in that country.

Through the conversation, she told me that Indan parents prefer adopting younger children or infants. Children of certain higher ages like 10-16 years are adopted by foreign nationals. Therefore, these children are taught English. More input was given to me by the teacher I met later.

 

I  was suddenly drifted into thoughts of how the children must be feeling about being adopted, being completely aware that they are not brought up by their own birth parents, but someone else, who, no one knows if they are doing it out of sheer sympathy or love.

  • What is the psychology of the children in the orphanage?

It all depends on how they are brought up. In the orphanage, they are amongst kinds of their own. When they move out to new homes, they are nurtured in a certain way, ways of their new parents. The parents have to treat the child as normal and equal to their own child (if they have). This means no favouritism, or no partiality in anyway. Be frank to the children about their adoption, but make sure to add that there is nothing wrong in it. Tell this to your own child too.

Often parents who adopt overdo their affection for the child. Psychologically, this is to make up for the lost years without a child or because they have to release their emotions for the possesion they got after years together. This, in turn, instead of helping the child could harm, causing mental and psychological imbalances and behavioural problems.

She informed of a baby girl who was adopted after the parents had a boy. The boy is now grown and is proud of the fact that his sister is adopted. He even goes around telling ( i would call it preaching…:D ) that if anyone needs a child, the best place to get is this orphanage!

Another case she told is of a boy being adopted who is proud of the fact that he is an adopted kid and many others like him who always say, “I am from this orphanage, I have this place to tell about, how ’bout you!?”

and then with the kids…

After a while, I thought I would break to see the kids and bidding adieu to Mrs. Chacko and a picture later, I walked myslef upstairs to a room near their classroom. They were watching ‘101 Dalmations’…it was their TV time! As I entered, the warm face of a teacher welcomed me and gestured me to sit down. The childre in that room- 12 girls- turned towards me. After I said a hi, they all chorused a hello to me. I asked them to introduce themselves one by one and they did it smartly inspite of a few shy ones.

The teacher explained that they are not put through different classrooms for study, but in one classroom irrespective of their age. The eldest among them was 12 years old and the youngest one, 6 year. Basic english and mathematics were taught, then they had games and art time. They were also taught about nature and all neccessary things needed to be known.  

When I enquired about the boys, the teacher said that there are none, ’cause all of them are adopted! My last visit also gave me glimpses of only girls aged between 1-3 years! Is it that even now parents favor the male child?

After taking a few pics and mingling with them, I followed them to their tea room across the street. I shared tea with them…feeling like I have returned to my innocence again. They were smart enough to show the dances and songs they had learnt. I then saw a room of beds next to their tea room and on enquiry came to know that it was a room for the pregnant ladies who did not want children. They are allowed to stay there until delivery and then sent away after the kids are born. It was a painful thought. After an hour alone with the girls, I said bye to them and their caretaker for the night had arrived to usher them to their room upstairs.

I walked away waving bye to them to their tiny hands and bright faces from their bedroom window. They gave me a  poster with their names written in the different colors of their dreams that they weave.

kids drawing at adoption center, bangalore, india

 

This article is a sequel to:

  1. Our assignments
  2. Adoption : The Answers (i)
  3. Adoption: The Answers (ii)

19 Responses

  1. Deepa says:

    Hi Sarah,
    I just came across your 2006 article to the orphanage in India. I’m one of the girls pictured in the poster with the name written Deepa. That picture brought back old memories of my childhood best friend and I.

  2. Elizabeyj says:

    Hello,

    My name is Elizabeth, I’m looking out fr a baby infant, so that I can adopt. Please let me know the christians adoption centers in bangalore. Looking forward for your response.

    Thanks.

  3. simki says:

    Hi!

    My husband and I want to adopt a child from an adoption centre in Hyderabad. Please suggest us few good adoption centres in Hyderabad…….

    • sarah says:

      Hello simki,

      I would suggest that the best place for you to contact for adoption would be the Women Development & Child Welfare Department by the government of AP. The address is given in the reply to comment# 12 (please see above).

  4. Gowri says:

    Hi,

    We (my husband and I )are looking to adopt a baby girl. We are in Bangalore. Could you possibly guide us to some baby’s availabel for adoption? We have been registered with Vatsalya in Bangalore for about 6 years, however adoption has been unsuccessful.

    • sarah says:

      Gowri, I have already mentioned two places where you can contact for child adoption in Bangalore ( see the 10th comment above). I personally have visited Ashraya in Bangalore. Please do let us know of your visits and further plans to adopt.

      Best wishes.

  5. nanda says:

    myself (nanda) my wife (bhavani) both are still Indian PP holders – NRIs, resident abroad, but will return back home to Andhra Pradesh India one day when? Would adoption agency CARA consider with a concession as domestic adoption. Desperate for assistance. A.P. centres are not listed for foreign adoption> being Telugu, wish to adopt from A.P. only. Pls guide and assist

    • sarah says:

      Nanda, as far as I know, being an NRI right now, you will have to go through NRI adoption procedures. An NRI, is not allowed to adopt directly from an Indian agency. You will have to contact the agency in your residing country, which will in turn contact an indian agency for the adoption. This is because certain things like ‘home visits’ can be conducted only by an agency in your residing country. So, your plans to return back to India sometime in future may not fetch you domestic adoption procedures. However, you can contact CARA for any further clarification.

      You can contact the Women Development and Child Welfare Development Centre in A.P for guidance for NRI adoption.

      Women Development & Child Welfare Department,
      Govt. of Andhra Pradesh
      8-3-222, Behind Sarathi Studio, Ameerpet,
      Hyderabad, Andhra Pradesh – 500038
      Tel. : 040-23733665 / 3221
      Fax: 040-23732587
      Email : wdcwdept@rediffmail.com

      Best wishes!

  6. sarah says:

    Hello George, most glad to know of your progress with adoption.

    Well, as of now, I will guide you to a website that should answer you all your questions on NRI adoption.

    Check this:
    http://www.cara.nic.in/

    For specific answers to your queries on the eligibility to become a guardian, just jump to this link:
    http://www.cara.nic.in/guide_inter_country_chap4.htm

    I hope this will help you 🙂

    All the best wishes.

  7. sarah says:

    Veena, I had been to one adoption centre in Bangalore, which is located at this address:

    Ashraya
    Jawans’ Colony,
    BDA Park,
    Double Road,
    Indiranagar I Stage,
    Bangalore 560 038,
    INDIA.

    Then, you might also want to check out at this place too:

    Department of Women & Child Development,
    1st floor, M.S. Building,
    Bangalore,
    Karnataka
    E-mail:
    dir.wcd@mail.kar.nic.in

    This is run by the government and might be able to guide you to other well reputed and reliable adoption centres too. 🙂

     

  8. S.George says:

    My wife and I currently are living in Michigan, are working on adopting a little girl from India and are stuck with the “Guardianship” paperwork. Before we choose someone we would like to understand what the criteria is for a person to be accepted as a guardian? And would the US or Indian government decide if a person chosen is or is not “fit” as the guardian? For example, is there an age limit, does the guardian have to live in the country where the child will be brought up, citizenship, does the person have to be married. If you could e-mail me back I would really appreciate it.
    Thank you.

  9. veena says:

    Dear Sir/madam, i would like to know more adoption centers in B’lore. My friend want to adopt a girl baby and they are well to do could you please help in sending the names of the centers in B’lore? thankyou Veena j rao

  10. sarah says:

    sure Pram. 🙂 It is really nice to see your enthusiasm towards child adoption. In which country are you residents now?

  11. pram says:

    Sarah, please do… My husband and I are NRIs too. I don’t know what rules would be applied to us – you know we’re foreign residents, not foreign nationals.

    Good luck to you and Roxy!

  12. sarah says:

    Hey Sarah!
    When I was a kid, I too wished for a baby sister and my brother used to go,”yew! not another one!”. hehe.
    If I am right you are an NRI, sarah. I cannot really advise you, as of now, on the red tapism and bureaucracy behind an NRI adoption. However, I can tell you from what I gathered from the adoption centre I visited, that the rules applied are the same as for a parent residing in India. However, you cannot have direct links to the adoption centres in India, but through agencies set up in those foreign countries (canada, in your case) who would recognise these adoption centres and aid the adoption process. They did, atleast, sound easy to me on the adoption procedure. Me think, an NRI adoption may also be more favored due to the quality of life they should be able to provide the child. If I get any more information on the NRI adoption procedures, I will certainly post it for your benefit.

  13. sarah says:

    I always wanted to have more kids!.. The problem now is, the oldest one wants another girl, my son wants another boy!!!
    Sarah, you mentioned about Foreigners not facing too much problems.. How difficult it is for me to adopt a child in India? Especially the beaurocratic red tape…?

  14. sarah says:

    🙂 Roxy chetta, it is indeed a +ve sign to see that we have more parents willing to adopt than the children available. However, it has to be kept in mind that not all abandoned kid reaches the right adoption centre. Then, from the information gathered, it seems like male child is still prefered over the girls. So, it could be that adopting parents wanting male children are more than what are available and thus affecting the overall picture of the balance between willing-to-adopt-parents and the children available. But information from one source cannot be the representation of the overall picture either. This can be confirmed after a few more studies from the adoption centers that we will resume from Hyderabad.

    Information on the disadvantages of adopting a child under the christian wards and guardian act is yet to be clarified. I have a christian friend who have adopted a girl child and he should be able to help me with this.

    Well, the first impression i had when i saw the kids were that they are a well taken care lot and a pretty smart and happy lot. They did not have a feeling that they were abandoned and smiled through life. That was an impressive picture. I had a few ones who were observing me closely. I almost got a shock when one of them slowly grabbed the cross I was wearing around my chain and looked at it in amazement. It was a touching and innocent act. I had another child do the same thing when we were in the classroom. Then there were a few who were extremely smart and trying to show off their educational skills and all the stars they gathered durng their exams. When I got out, a few tiny ones were grabbing for me, pulling my hands and wanting to be holding them and like they were already telling me, ‘Take me home, I will be a nice child." They had lots of love to shower on their caretakers. No matter how nice the place, all that a child would yearn for is the comfort and saftey of a parent’s arms. All these gave me a personal feeling that, though they were truely happy,they still craved for that special attention, that protective touch and that friendly smile and look. They wanted parents.

  15. rocksea says:

    now let us learn from adoption centers at hyderabad, allae?

  16. rocksea says:

    Great work my dear!

    In the previous adoption post you mentioned that “The number of couples willing to adopt children is more than the children in the orphanage.” Isn’t it a +ve sign?! Does that mean most of the kids at recognized adoption centers are adopted? Or, merging it with the information here, does that mean that all the boys are adopted?

    I love their cute smiling faces and their cute drawings. Did you have any personal conversation with any of the kids? What impression did they give?

    Then, it is of a concern if under the christian wards and guardian act the adopted kid is considered yours only until 18! We have to make sure if this information is correct and its implications.

    Love,

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